I feel like I need a regular dose of solitude almost as much as I need air, food and water. But what I really like is QUALITY alone time. I love a nice day out somewhere on my own. If I have a day out in the city, I love going round the art galleries on my own, or doing a bit of urban hiking to see where I end up.
I like people, but only in small doses. If I’m around lots of people, I don’t like it to go on too long. If I’m with just one other person or a small group, I can enjoy longer time with them. It has to be the right person though.
This is the key thing. It has to be the right person. I’m very choosy about who I spend lots of time with. Here’s why: Because I enjoy my own company so much, this means the bar is set very high. If I spend the day with someone and I end up feeling that I would have had a better time if I’d been there on my own, that’s a clear sign that it’s not a good idea to spend lots of time with them.
It’s good to trust your feelings in life. If you’re generally happy and healthy, your emotions tend to tell you the truth about whether things are right for you or not. This is true of all kinds of things. If you feel worse during or after doing something than you did before you did it, that’s a clear sign that it’s not working for you.
Of course, sometimes you can feel sad after something because you are sad that it’s come to an end, or you are sad that you won’t see the person for a while. But that feels different to just feeling unhappy or exhausted because you didn’t have a nice time or because it didn’t work out somehow because the person or situation wasn’t suited to you.
Anyway, you know what I’m saying. Basically, you know what the truth is if you listen to your true feelings. Unless you’re fucked in the head or an emotional wreck, in which case, good luck!
Anyway, back to the introvert thing. Extroverts need social activity the same way introverts need solitude. It’s the natural position they gravitate towards. But extroverts can sometimes be on their own, and introverts can sometimes socialise. But it’s about where your default setting is.
And you can get happy extroverts, unhappy extroverts, happy introverts, and unhappy introverts (of course I am simplifying things here just to make a point). None of this really changes where their natural position is on the introvert-extrovert scale. An unhappy extrovert might feel less unhappy if his friends invite him out to a party. A happy extrovert might have the best time ever at the party. An unhappy introvert will perhaps feel less unhappy if they can at least have their personal space to sort through their unhappy thoughts and feelings in their own way. But a happy introvert will actively ENJOY being on their own. As I said, I’m really simplifying things here just to make a point.
And that’s really all my point is: If you’re irritating or a challenge to be around, you’re never going to have a happy introvert as a best friend. It’s just not going to happen. On the other hand, if you’re a lovely person and very easy to be around, a happy introvert could be the most loyal friend you’ll ever have.
HOWEVER, luckily for a happy introvert, a happy introvert is a happy introvert’s true best friend, so a happy introvert can easily be their own best friend.
Other people can be great to spend time with too though. Just not all the time…